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A New Kind of High

The necessity for being frugal is higher than ever, and what better time to forage in a forest than on 'Weed Appreciation Day'. With words of caution, I present to you 'Nettle & Butter Pappardelle'.

Urtica dioica. Urtica urens. National Tolkein Day was only last week, therefore, you may mistake me for reciting incantations. Urtica dioca, Urtica Urens… or in layman’s terms, the Nettle.


Responsible for the migraine of many a gardener, and the tears and whimpers of countless a child, the Nettle is perhaps the most known and cursed of the common household weeds. A proud and indignant creature, she is not one to antagonise or affront. To lessen the risk of ending up on the dinner plate of a potential predator, the Nettle, or by her more attractive name ‘Urtica’, houses rows of very fine hairs on both her underbelly and stem. An ignorant passer-by heedless of his steps, might find himself quite put out or a little perturbed. One brush of contact and Urtica’s lavish fine hair expels a sharp sting, in the appearance of ‘formic acid’. She is a selfish creature, greedily growing, irately invading, and meticulously marking her territory.


But I too am a selfish & greedy creature. When I discovered there might be a way to seek revenge, and wreak havoc on Urtica – weaken, and take away her sting - I didn’t hesitate.

With warnings of heed and caution, I therefore present to you ‘Nettle & Butter Pappardelle’.

Urtica dioica. Urtica Urens. Without careful provisions, and a cool, calm head, you might unwillingly find yourself the next victim of Urtica’s incantations with her sly, sharp sting. Attend as much attention to the Disclaimer Clause as to the ingredients listed. Lest “if you go down in the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise.”



DISCLAIMER OF LIABILITY

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER SHALL GEORGINA DONATANTONIO BE RESPONSIBLE TO THE OTHER PARTY FOR ANY INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, OR INDIRECT DAMAGES OF ANY KIND WHATSOEVER, PROVIDED THE PARTY HAS ADVISED THE USE OF GLOVES, SCISSORS, GOGGLES, AND PROTECTIVE, LONG-FITTING, NO-FLESH-ON-SHOW GARMENTS.


Nettle & Butter Pappardelle



🌿 Serves: 4

Ingredients

As much nettle as you can physically pick

750g pappardelle

3 cloves garlic

100g slightly salted butter

Pecorino (optional)


Method

  1. Gather up your hardiest pair of gloves, tight-fitting (so a stray nettle doesn't find its way up your trouser leg) & flesh-covering garments, goggles, and secateurs. Be sure to bring a bag and tupperware to collect your nettles in.

  2. Be extra wary on a windy day, and set off.

  3. Pick your nettles, heeding caution at all times.

  4. Come back into the safety of your dwelling.

  5. Bring a saucepan of water to the boil.

  6. Add your nettles (still wearing gloves!) and leave to boil for 10 minutes.

  7. Drain and run through with water to remove any potential bugs.

  8. Here comes the most thrilling part... remove your gloves, and test out the nettles. If the sting still remains, better for your finger to bear the signs than for your throat later on.

  9. If all safe, proceed to stage 10. Otherwise, repeat from stage 6.

  10. Cook up your pappardelle in boiling salted water.

  11. Whilst this is taking place, melt your butter in a large frying pan, and add the garlic.

  12. Now it's time for the nettles. Chuck them in, and let them sizzle and turn slightly crispy.

  13. Drain your pappardelle (reserving some pasta water), and throw into your bubbling nettles.

  14. Serve with a grating of pecorino, and garnish with decoration fitting of Weed Appreciation Day. NOTE: NOT A NETTLE.

  15. Accept that this is the most thrilling your Friday nights will get for a while and sit back, and enjoy.

 
 
 

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